Leading Her Introvert Way: Conversations about executive leadership, career growth, business and mindset for mid-life Black women.

88: Your Access To Wellbeing As A Black Introverted Career Woman

• Nicole Bryan • Episode 88

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A raw and revealing conversation between two powerhouse coaches dedicated to the success of Black women leaders. In this special episode, Dr. Nicole Bryan sits down with life coach Nike Olabisi-Green to challenge the outdated notion that career advancement requires sacrificing your wellbeing.

Whether you're climbing the corporate ladder, expanding your leadership influence, or forging your entrepreneurial path, this conversation offers wisdom for ambitious Black women navigating success without sacrificing themselves in the process. Your leadership is needed, your leadership is powerful – but it must be sustainable to create lasting impact.


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Speaker 1:

Hey, lady Leader, welcome to another episode of the Leading Her Introvert Way podcast. So today we're going to do something a little different. It is, you know, normally I don't have guests on the podcast, and that's for a variety of different reasons. First of all, my relationship with you. I really enjoy it when it's one-on-one, and you have given me a lot of feedback that you enjoy it that way too. So because of that, I have been very selective. I think I've had maybe less than five guests over the past couple of years on the podcast. Now, when I do have guests, they're usually really high quality, and today is no different. So today we are going to be you're going to listen to a conversation that I had with my colleague and friend, nike Alabisi-Green.

Speaker 1:

Now, I don't know about you, but in adulthood, as a Black woman, it has not always been. As a Black introvert woman, it's not always easy for me to make good friends, right. Many and most of my friends that I have right now I've had since high school or since college, and once in a while, though, I will meet someone who is the vibe is just there, you know, and that's how it was with Nikkei. So, as I was starting my coaching business and building up to being able to serve you, my audience. I also met Nikkei, and she, too, was building her business. Now, it's interesting because we serve similar clients, so we serve Black women leaders. I obviously focus on introverts and she focuses from a different angle, an angle of wellbeing. So when we met, there was clearly overlap between what we you know, our work, but we also had this cool vibe, and what we decided to do was, hey, let's just have a conversation, let's just get on a LinkedIn live, let's have a conversation and let's not just plan it, let's just talk about what we do, why we do it, what you know some of our background and how we've come to be focusing on the things that we currently focus on, and so I'm really excited to give you a peek into that conversation. Now, we ended up focusing on areas that we overlap in, which is, you know, serving Black women and well-being, right? So, career and well-being. So that's what today's conversation is about, and I personally think it's a really important one, because we always talk about wanting more balance.

Speaker 1:

We are always now focused on mental health as well as physical health and, frankly, we also know that, with all of the pressures that we have as Black introverted women, pressures from our family, demands from the job. Some of us are in that time of period or time of life where we are caring for not only our children, but we're caring for other family members. And we are caring for our only our children, but we're caring for other family members and we are caring for our parents as well. And so we normally have and are being pulled in many different directions at one single time, and so today's conversation is us, nike and myself, not only acknowledging that, but talking about how we feel like it's important to take care of ourselves, and we also talk about advice and counsel and strategies that we provide to our clients in that area. And if you are a Black introverted woman who is currently very focused on growing her career, whether you want to do excellent in your current world, current job, or if you want to move into senior leadership or if you want to become an executive right, it doesn't really matter where you want to go, because we all know that wherever you go, wherever you land, you're going to slay it, you're going to knock it out the park, and what my hope is for you is that, while you are knocking it out the park, that you also take care of yourself, and that's what today's conversation is about. So, without further ado, take a listen.

Speaker 1:

Okay, we are live. So, as normal, we know that it's going to take a little while for people to kind of jump on, which is perfectly fine. We're actually I don't think I should have said this to you, but we're actually on YouTube, instagram and Facebook Amazing. We're trying to get as much bang for our buck as we can possibly get. So what I was thinking that we would do is well, first of all, everybody, welcome, right, welcome. If you are here with us live, if you are catching us, if you are, like Nike and I, running from other things to be here in time to have the conversation, welcome, relax, deep breath. It's all good, and what Nike and I thought we were going to do? We just have a conversation. So, actually, right before we jumped on and went live, we were just saying you know what? We just have a conversation. So actually, right before we jumped on and went live, we were just saying you know what? We planned this thing out. We talked about what we would talk about, but maybe we'll follow that, maybe we won't, but today's topic is all about you as a ambitious female leader and working on, not balance, because we all know that balance is.

Speaker 1:

It means different things to different people, but working on your wellbeing and not having to sacrifice that as you continue to advance your career, whatever that looks like for you. But some of you, for some of us, advancing our career is having broader roles. For some of for some of us, advancing our career is having broader roles For some of us. Others of us advancing our career is maybe getting promoted into more senior leadership positions. For some of us, it could be starting our own entrepreneurial adventure, right.

Speaker 1:

Whatever, advancing your career looks like the philosophy or the old school thinking that you have to sacrifice your well-being, whether that's your mental health, your physical health, your emotional health, your relationship health, the health of your relationships. That is outdated thinking and what we want to talk about today is probably share a little bit of our stories as well as how the people that we work with, the women that we work with, and maybe some of their stories as well shifting your way of thinking about what a professional, ambitious woman looks like when it comes to well-being, overall well-being. So thank you for being here, nike. Thank you, for it was your suggestion actually to even have this conversation and do a joint live, so thank you for suggesting it, and so maybe we just kick off with introductions. I think we have probably people who don't know you or I, and maybe some people who know you, not me, and vice versa. So let's just introduce ourselves. But before we do, I don't know, did you bring your drink, nika?

Speaker 2:

Listen, I'm such on the go I'm like at the time and to and to be fair, I am in pacific standard time oh, okay, yeah it's still a little early for me and I'm still finishing my work day, so I have a drink in spirit. Just what is it? What is your drink in spirit? What?

Speaker 1:

is it? What is your drink in spirit?

Speaker 2:

Yes, absolutely my drink in spirit, honestly, in the spirit of like we're going into Thanksgiving because I'm not skipping Thanksgiving, Everybody's already like jumped over to Christmas and I refuse.

Speaker 2:

So, in the holiday spirit. My drink in spirit is a hot toddy Actually. No, no, let me take it back. I'm going to do a um spiked cider, and I love doing a warm cider on the stove. So I'll like get like a good cider, like made from like a local farm, or orchard, rather put it on the stove, and then I'll add some type of brown liquor, and my brown liquor of choice would probably be you know what my husband drinks. Do say so I'm gonna go with. Say because I'm actually not, or maybe let's do because I'm a Beyonce fan. Let's do, um, sir Davis, okay, okay, with a nice apple cider, warm with a stick of cinnamon.

Speaker 1:

I am ashamed to say that your drink in spirit is so much better than my real beverage of choice, but it sounds really good.

Speaker 2:

Honestly, what you just came up with sounds so good, can you tell I'm ready for the weekend?

Speaker 1:

and for the holidays, like an apple cider, like that is. That is giving all types of feels um, you know, fall feels, which is great, okay, me.

Speaker 1:

On the other hand, I am in my mother's house in Brooklyn, which is like 400 miles no, 200 miles from where I actually live, and it's pouring rain here right now and I love the rain, but I actually had to go out and walk in it for like an hour just now, so my feet were all wet and I was like when I came in, I was like I just need a hot cup of tea. So my beverage of choice is very simple. I love it. It's green tea with honey in a big ass mug in my mom's house, like that's what we're doing tonight.

Speaker 2:

That feels like a hug on top of a hug. It is Like being at mom's house and then having a cup of tea at mom's house and it's raining outside, yes, and I got my fuzzy wool socks on.

Speaker 1:

I'll spare everyone from seeing that, but yeah, that's that's what's going on. Ok, so, with our drinks virtual real and made up at the moment, go ahead, nika, please introduce yourself.

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh, I'm so truly like honored to have this conversation with you and I have to share. What you shared at the top of our conversation is why I was like we need to do something together. Like your passion for women leaders and their success, it like overflows and that is my heart. And so whenever I meet other women who like share, that I'm like I don't know how or where or what way like, but we have to stay in community and just just thank you, Just thank you, Thank you, Even sharing and I know we're not even into the conversation yet but even you sharing that it's raining and that you went out and walked in the rain. Yeah, that is such a powerful way like acknowledging, like yeah, I actually like to walk in the rain, and there's so much symbolism there and that's such a practice of like being in nature, even when nature is not necessarily its most beautiful.

Speaker 1:

Exactly.

Speaker 2:

Like it doesn't have any feelings, it just is. Even that is such a beautiful wellness practice that I offer to my clients. So I just wanted to start off by saying thank you for your time and energy and for how you show up in the world. But for folks who have not met me or don't know me, my name is Nikkei Olabisi-Green and I'm the creator and chief movement leader at NOLA Movement.

Speaker 2:

At NOLA Movement, we believe that when women are well from the inside out, we can change the world, and I have been serving that big mission as a wellness leader and life coach since 2016. And even before that, I've taught dance fitness classes since 2008, 2009. And I pivoted into the role and to the space of life coaching in 2020 so that I could begin serving my clients not just through physically moving their bodies, but really by focusing on the mindsets and the practices that allow you to create a life that you love. So I serve women, black women, leaders and our rooted allies in securing better jobs, raises and promotions, and so that is who I am. You can find me and my work truly mostly on Instagram now, and then in Cleveland.

Speaker 1:

And then in Cleveland and now starting to do events in Los Angeles as well. Cool, so cool, ok, yes. So, based on that introduction, we definitely overlap in more than one ways, because I am so. Hello everyone Again. My name is Dr Nicole Bryan.

Speaker 1:

I am a executive coach. Brian, I am a executive coach. I specialize in helping introverted women get into the executive level. Right, for all the reasons that we already know, I am on a mission to even the playing field between men and women in terms of our pay, our power, our influence, and my way of doing that is making sure that we get more female introverts into the executive suite, so that we are, in fact, making decisions for ourselves, versus having our male counterparts only be the ones who are making decisions for us as females in the work world.

Speaker 1:

I am also a very, very strong advocate for making sure that we get paid, and when I say paid, I mean in terms of recognition as well as financial, because I do feel that that financial stability, financial freedom, our financial aspirations, helps us build the wealth that we want for ourselves and for the generations that come after us. I know, for me I never had a goal of making a lot of money per se, but I always had a goal of financial freedom, and so I just took the path of making a lot of money to get to financial freedom. But, yeah, those are the things that I have felt have been important, pivotal pieces of my journey that I see mirrored in all of the women that I work with as well. So that's me Okay. So today's topic, which is all about wellness, well-being while we are being powerful, dynamic, ambitious women when should we start?

Speaker 2:

Maybe with our stories? Sure, okay, and how we each, like started to fold in wellness, into who we are as leaders. Yep, yep, okay, you want to go first? Yeah, totally, okay, totally, and you know, I will share. I will share a little bit of my story and more so what I was folding in and then what I saw and how that like started to shape my work. And so I was a dance fitness instructor. That was actually what I was doing.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, I remember you telling me that, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yes, so that's actually what I was doing as my full-time work, and so I was already moving my body consistently. And this was I'm taking us back to 2008, 2009. That was the work that I was in full time, and what I realized was such a powerful add for me was other aspects of wellness, right. So for myself, I realized, oh, it's not really just, it's not just about the physical movement, right, it is actually about the community. So who am I surrounding myself with? So I got to a point where I realized some of the friendships, relationships, people that were in my circle, people that I was working with, that it was actually important for me to be really clear about who are the types of people I like to surround myself with. What are the boundaries that I need to create around my work so that I have time to be in community and to be in spaces where my cup is being filled instead of me pouring out?

Speaker 2:

And so, really, I would say, the first part of my career, I recognize that it's not just about physical movement. Physical movement is such an important piece of it, and another really important piece is actually community, another thing that I recognized, and this, I would say, started honestly, a little bit before the pandemic, and I feel like the pandemic really like escalated it. But this became clear for me when I stepped into entrepreneurship, which was in 2016, was the mindset piece of it, and the leaders that I was around were constantly reading and I realized like, wow, I actually haven't been a dedicated reader since I was in grad school, like, and since I was forced to read a book like and when I sat down and thought about it, like man, and again, this is like 2018, 2019.

Speaker 2:

So just before the pandemic, I was like when is the last time I read a book by choice? And it was like you know, here, there, so forth and so on, but not like consistently. And that was when I realized like, oh, like I actually really need to be intentional about developing my mind. And so the first goal that I set for myself was like you know what? I just want to read 12 books. I just want to read one book a month. Like that feels very manageable. I literally just had like a sheet of paper. I put down the numbers, one through 12, and I started that year Like my goal is one book a month, and so some months I would read one book, other months I would read no books, other months I might read two or three books, but by the end of that year I had read 12 books and I was like, yeah, this is the type of person I want to be.

Speaker 2:

And I recognize like this is how you develop and sharpen your mindset and how that is really. And these are books that were sometimes related to entrepreneurship, which was my work and is my work, but sometimes just just related to life sometimes, and I'm a big fan of like, not not a ton of fiction, but personal development, and then also like stories. So, like I know, my first year I read, like michelle obama's book. That was the year I think the year her first book came out. Um, I was reading the story.

Speaker 2:

Um, madam cj walker right that was another person, so just reading the stories of other women who are already like leaders in their own right, and so that was when I realized the power of like developing my mind, and how an important aspect of my wellness is actually my mindset. And so it was like it's truly been over the course of my career that I've realized like, oh, it's not just my physical movement, but it's who am I in community, who am I allowing to pour into me, what are the books and podcasts and things I'm allowing to come into my energy and my spirit and my mindset? And then you know, the same thing I would add around, like emotional wellness and spiritual wellness, like being really mindful of my hygiene as it as it relates to my emotional and spiritual health and wellness. And so like, um, I'm super intentional about who I allow to like even put their hands on my body, and I mean my hair, I mean my nails, I mean if I'm getting a massage, like I don't just let anybody actually touch my body. These are just some different like.

Speaker 2:

Over the course of my career and and as I've stepped into life coaching, these are the different like aspects of wellness that I realized like, oh, it is, it's so much more than just moving my body. So how that is translated into how I serve my clients and it's specifically why I call myself a life coach Like I do help women secure better jobs, but it's not necessarily through like let's work on your negotiation skills or let's work on creating an Excel sheet to document how many jobs you have. The women that I'm working with actually already have the expertise to do that supporting them with the life stuff, because when your life is actually um, like when you're actually well and that's why I started with when you're well from the inside out, everything else is actually falls right into place and it's so much easier, and so that's um. That's just a little bit of my story and my journey and how I kind of was able to identify these different aspects of wellness and then how I've really been able to bring that into the work with my clients.

Speaker 1:

So I, first of all, I love what you said and I'm fascinated by it because, honestly, the way you just described wellness I think many of us, including myself, may already think about wellness beyond just like the physical aspect of it, right, the mental, the emotional, spiritual, et cetera. But the examples that you gave in terms of even being so deliberate in terms of your choices, in terms of who you're in community with right, that means you are electing, frankly, right, who you are having ongoing conversations with, who you might be sharing ideas with. You also are deliberately thinking about and selecting those people who help you continue to be well. So the person who helps you with your hair, the person who gives you a massage like I'm not gonna lie, there's sometimes. I just click a button. When I go, when I'm trying to get a massage, I just click a button. I look at the reviews. I'm like, okay, clicking about, I don't know this person from adam, right, I just know that there's going to be a good masseuse.

Speaker 1:

So the way that you are deliberately navigating and creating or cultivating all those different aspects, like that is, I mean, I think that's the definition of being intentional, right, and I can see how that plays out in a much not broader, but deeper definition of well-being. I honestly wouldn't have. I never thought about my hairdresser and I have a good hairdresser, a really good one but there is drama that comes with her right, and she's probably watching this as well because she supports me, but she has a lot of drama as well because she supports me, but she has a lot of drama. So, as I think about, and some of us, particularly us as women of color, black women our here experience is very meaningful for us, absolutely. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, you took it to a whole nother level there, for sure.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and that's, that's the level, that, um and again, that's where I take my clients to. We go, we go there. And the reason why is because, as a human being, right, you're worthy, you are worthy of living your life in that intentional of a way. And I think we get in a cycle of, whether it's scrolling social media or going day to day to work and not like really slowing down, but actually like, I believe, creating a life you love. And I I I pull this from TikTok like you, you build your for you page, brick by brick, building and creating a life you love. It happens brick by brick, it happens moment by moment, it happens decision by decision. And it's not an accident, right, it doesn't. It does not happen by accident.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, so that's, it's really good, so yeah, so I'll save that, I'll save the recap for the end.

Speaker 1:

But I think what you just said there, I mean honestly, even that definition, I think can expand many of us the way we think about it, right?

Speaker 1:

So for me, my story is, I mean, you know, I used to say I'm just a girl from Brooklyn who, you know, grew up and found her way, but I stopped saying just, I stopped making, I made myself, stop saying just right, because just is minimizing, frankly, my story and I think many of the women that I work with do the same thing I'm just, I'm just so-and-so, um.

Speaker 1:

So these days I say I hail from brooklyn and I grew up like many, like many of us, um, you know, not having access to lots of different things, resources, the world, and I grew up in an era before there was the internet. Right, the internet didn't come about until after college for me, but I always grew up, like many of us, seeing very strong women role models. Even if they were not necessarily working outside of the home, they were still leading in some way, shape, form or fashion, leading the family, leading at church, leading in the community, leading in raising not just their children, but everybody else's children around them, and so that's when my fascination with leadership came into play and particularly women leaders entering the workforce, it was evident that there were so many inequities between men and women in particular.

Speaker 1:

I went into, obviously, corporate America, and when I went into corporate America, I was very well educated. I was one of those people who was like I'm going to have all the credentials I could possibly have because that's what's going to take me to the top Right. So I had every certification, every degree that I could get my hands on, every experience, and I was hoping that that would carry me and make others see me as their equal right, someone who could lead in the corporate environment and continue to move up. And I learned very quickly that that was not, that was not our case, and so I saw that happening to myself, but I also saw it happening to other women as well. So it was kind of it was weird because I was experiencing it, but I was also having an out of body moment too, because I was watching it happen and other people, and so that's where my second level of passion came from thinking that and understanding that the system in which we were working was not necessarily built for us Women, female leaders, particularly women of color, black women. It's not built for us, but, however, I was determined to not let that stop me Right. So I didn't give a damn that it wasn't built for me. This world wasn't built for me. Frankly, right, and everybody, we're still going to succeed one way or the other, and so that's how I felt about corporate. So I, so I.

Speaker 1:

But in that process, well-being came to be a part of how I identified myself in a couple of different ways. The first was that, as an introvert, I have very little excess energy to spend, so I would be working very long hours. So I would be working very long hours. I was, you know, giving all of my mental capacity to the job and I loved it. So I wasn't one of those people who was like, oh, I'm just, I just got it. Like I enjoyed working and I enjoyed, you know, thinking strategically and working in a corporate environment, loved it. However, I was always depleted, like I had nothing left to give when I left that office, and so what I quickly realized is that I needed a physical outlet in order to help me have more mental capacity to do the work. So it got to a point where, you know, my team would be like, you know, I'd be snapping at my team, or I'd say something where I, you know my team would be like you know I'd be snapping at my team or I'd say something, or I'd be moody, and they'll be like you clearly did you work out this morning? Because they knew that that was how I prepared. Like if I did not work out in the morning, they would feel it. They would feel it, they'd be like why don't you go? You go, go, go do something with yourself.

Speaker 1:

So I made the physical fitness a part of my daily. Well, you know, take how I took care of myself. Yeah, but it became a necessity. It was, yes, nice to have, it was like you gotta get that. So that was a part of the wellbeing.

Speaker 1:

And then the next level was, for me, the mental part of it. Right Again, not only because I was an extrovert I mean introvert but because I also worked in human resources and so I was everyone else's sounding board. And you know, we all know, if our friends come to us they constantly come to us we're great, we can talk and we can we hold them up. But at some point in time, either somebody else has to hold you up or you have to figure out how to hold yourself up. So, because I was that, you know, I served as an HR person and I was receiving everyone's complaints and helping them navigate, and you know sounding board, as an HR person, and I was receiving everyone's complaints and helping them navigate, and you know sounding board, it was a lot to carry. And that's when I realized, okay, you need mental, you need mental fitness, for you is going to be, it has to be, your next thing that you take care of. So much so that I decided to go back to school and become a psychologist, not just for me, but for other people as well.

Speaker 1:

And so the only other thing I will say when I think about well-being is and I don't talk about this very often, and I think I'm going to start talking about a lot more and I was definitely a workaholic is I was definitely a workaholic and I will say that and you know it's. I am not. This, this is. That is not something that I'm bragging about, like when I say what I was addicted to work.

Speaker 1:

I was addicted to work like I. Even when I was away from work, I was thinking about it. I could not shut off my brain and, as like most addictions, it spurs you, like you, you you're really into it. Like you, just you can't stop and it's you Moment is giving you energy, right, until such time that you literally hit a brick wall. And that's what it was like for me. Like I was, I would be taken on more, not because the company said yes, the company asked I could have said no, but I didn't, or I wanted it. Like it fed fed something in me and so that addiction led to me having to take having to go cold turkey. Like I had to take multiple career breaks, like just stop working because I could not work and manage the work addiction at the same time. And my way of actually stopping the work addiction was going and getting my psychology degree.

Speaker 1:

So I went to school to study work addiction and help treat other people with work addiction, and that was my only way to stop it Right. So I was able to. I was able to come out of that with a better understanding of what wellness is Right. So you shared your definition of well-being and wellness like, and my experience, as well as my own addiction, helped me to round out my definition of well-being too, and it is one of the things that I help my current clients with. Right, because we, as ambitious women, I mean we're going to get stuff done Like that's. That's what we are known for. Right, where it doesn't matter what's on our plate, we're going to, we're going to figure out how to get it done. But when you can't stop that, when you keep going and going and going and you can't, you know there's a lot of talk these days about living the soft life and, you know, finding balance right or integrating things in your life.

Speaker 1:

so you have a holistic ask, a holistic view and have holistic experience, and all of those things are very, very important. But some of us can't do that without some other level of support and recognizing that. You know we can't stop on our own and many of my clients find themselves in that predicament and that's one of the things that I can, that I help them with.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, that's so amazing. Thank you for sharing your story and your journey of wellness and you know how you found your way to slow down and, you know, step out of that addiction of work. And I think it's so interesting because it's like the pendulum swings. Right, the pendulum swings and I think the truth is, and you even you started sharing about your story with you know we're as young girls, we actually see leadership all around us and the women around us, and what I imagine for both of us is that the women that we saw worked nonstop, not only to, as you shared. Right, you're taking care of little ones, you're keeping the house clean, you're making sure dinner's together, they're making sure bills are paid. I mean, they are going nonstop and that's with a job or or just being at home.

Speaker 2:

And I don't say just like to minimize that, but like some women have both and some women are CEO of home, and so we grow up watching that and I think so many of us have internalized that and it's why we've had this pendulum swing right to the soft life where women are like you know what, I'm not doing that anymore and I, you know, I I think it's so interesting and I love you know what you spoke into about calling in support for that, because that's it's exactly what I'm seeing as well, and and you know the work that I focus on with my clients, specifically to support that is boundaries.

Speaker 1:

I just wrote that down. I just wrote boundaries down. Yeah Right, let's talk a little bit more about that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, right, because usually there is a need to one. What I'll say is is get really clear on what you want, because you, you can actually have everything you want. You just can't have it all at the same time, all at once, right, right. So what do you want and what do you want right now? Like, what do you want most right now, next in this season, and when you decide to focus on that, then you can create the boundaries that actually support that happening. And what that means for most of us is that we have to let go of all the other things that don't align with what you want right now. And what I see is usually that's the hardest part with the women that I work with, because I say we're only going to focus on three things at the most. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Because your work is going to write. Your work is really going to be like now. You have to step out of some of these commitments and that is conversations that might be like. You know you're stepping off of a board, you're leaving one workplace for another, you are no longer sitting on the PTO or you know the parent association, and so that might be a two or three month process to remove yourself from the things that actually no longer align with what you say that you want right now, and then putting the boundaries in place to protect what you say you do want.

Speaker 2:

And so you know. I love that you shared your story of being addicted to work, because it's for sure what I see and it's addicted to being to work and to being busy. Yeah, that I see. Right, so it is all the boards, all the community meetings, all the things. And, um, when we allow ourselves to actually prioritize, like what we want and what we want to create for our lives, then we can create the space to like okay, this is what I'm going to focus on, I'm going to be okay with that and that's going to be enough.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, and it's interesting because I think again. You know, when I think about being addicted to busyness, being addicted to work, the truth of it, and I think that what we have to admit to ourselves is our companies, or, you know, the associations that we're involved in, or all of these external things. Yes, they absolutely make demands on us, but we say yes, right, we say yes to it. Yeah, and let me just speak for myself.

Speaker 1:

I would say yes, over and over and over and over again, knowing intellectually that I could say no, but there was something in me that refused to say no, right, and what?

Speaker 2:

I, you were a people pleaser Like. Do you feel like that's part of your story?

Speaker 1:

I wasn't a people pleaser, I was a overachiever If there was a problem to be solved, I'm going to solve that damn problem. If there was a new thing, a new project that was coming out, I'm like yo, I want in. If there was a discussion where everybody was getting together and they were brainstorming, I wanted to be in on that discussion. Like it it was and not mess and honestly, at the time not for the recognition I just felt like I needed to be involved in all the, all the things and doing all the things and saying all the things and going to all the places and like that was. It was just.

Speaker 1:

If I wasn't doing those things, I felt like a slacker me, like we can talk about where that came from and you know my childhood, the background, all that stuff, but it doesn't eradicate that in the moment I was saying, hey, I want to do blah, blah, blah. However, when we think about boundaries, I think it's boundaries for ourselves. We have to put that boundaries in ourselves, with ourselves, absolutely, and we have to set boundaries with other people and other and our organizations and you know our, even our children sometimes and our partners and whatever right like. But the the key to me is again, I think we intellectually everybody listening to this probably, intellectually, is thinking of course, yes, we have to set boundaries, but I think I would challenge us to be like what was the last boundary you actually set and sustained for?

Speaker 2:

yourself. That part, that's the part. The setting is actually pretty easy. It's just, it's the because, inevitably, whether it's the workplace, whether it is family partners, kids, friends, whether it's you, you, your mindset right Inevitably something someone is going to push against that boundary, it's going to test that boundary and it is the sustaining of it that really creates the space to focus on, like, okay, here's what I said, I'm going to do Right, and I'm going to continue to protect that thing with this boundary.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's the boundary piece for me. Yeah, for sure, when you. So we have a few minutes left. I'm just curious, in terms of for our listeners, when you think about trends, trends, so patterns that you may be seeing with your clients. We talked about a few of them, like defining what it is and prioritizing what they want. Right, that that's one being able to not just only set boundaries but respect them for yourself and maintain them. What other like trends around well-being do you find you see repeatedly or hear repeatedly with women that you work with and speak with?

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So the other big thing I'll share that I see for sure I would say 80%, if not more, of the women I work with is around nutrition and actually just not eating, because they're so busy and like once, like they will start the day with a cup of coffee and, um, maybe a pastry, and then they will cruise on caffeine or like snacks all day. And when women come to me, that's actually one of the first things I ask about is like are you eating? And then another question I'll ask is are you sleeping? Because all the other stuff that we want to do and build, actually those like nourishing your body, like we're not going to talk about losing weight, we're not going to talk about getting that next job Again as a life coach. I can help you get that promotion, I can help you make more money, but if you are not eating or sleeping, you better believe that's where we're starting. And so one client that I have in mind right now, like that's where we started, and it was like client that I'm I have in mind right now, like that's where we started. And it was like okay, you have to eat breakfast and you've got to get some protein in to start your day, um, and so that's where we started.

Speaker 2:

And um, one principle that I talk about with my women is there is an investment triangle. So the triangle is going to be time, money or energy. So you might have to invest a lot in all three. Usually, you're going to invest a lot in one of those areas to create the ease that you need, and so a lot of times, for the example with nutrition, some of my clients are like, okay, I'm going to invest in time to do meal prep so that I can eat throughout the day. Others will choose like you know what. I don't have the time. I'm going to invest money in some pre made meals that I can grab. They have the nutrients that I need and I know that I'll eat. But, for sure, the two biggest trends as far as like executive women leaders and when it comes to focusing on their wellness, it is around nutrition and it is around sleep.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. So, as you were saying that, it made me think about really practical, right, so as an executive leader, really practical how those things play out. So, for example and I know if you're listening at this point in time live or in the replay, you're going to be like, yep, that's me. So the first one is this happens all the time you're in back to back to back to back meetings. You may have bought your lunch, you may have right like your admin, or somebody else might be like yo, it's time to eat, but you are not stopping you are going back to back to back to back.

Speaker 1:

So that's, that's one reality. The other thing I thought about was and my team members used to get on me about this all the time like because I was in continuous meetings, I wouldn't go use the bathroom, I would not literally take a bathroom break, right, and when it went, finally, like three o'clock came, I'm running to the bathroom like get out of my way and they're like why are you torturing yourself?

Speaker 1:

like that is a human bodily function. You could have easily said give me five minutes, I'm going to the restroom, I'll be back. We don't do that, we just push through it. Right um? Same thing with sleep. Yes, either because we are thinking, we're, you know um, ruminating on whatever things that happen through the day, things we got to do tomorrow.

Speaker 1:

A team member said such and such. We're either ruminating on it or the stress is just so high that we can't sleep through the night and we're not putting in the right sleep hygiene to be able to push past that. Right, like so all these things, they're like real life examples where we may, not we're doing these behaviors, but not necessarily connecting it back to well-being. Right yeah, I'm not sleeping, I'm stressed. That's not why we say that so passively. Stress, that's not like we say that so passively. Like what's stress? You're stressed when you don't sleep, you don't think, when you don't think your body doesn't function the way it needs to function. You're not digesting If you are eating, you're not digesting your food correctly because you're carrying the stress. Hold on to excess weight because you're carrying the like. It's a domino effect.

Speaker 2:

But what we say is you have a little stress, like yeah and there's so much science coming out right now that supports what we've already all known. But there's so much science specifically coming out around sleep and how important sleep is and how your body literally is regenerating, it's rebuilding itself, and so when we're not getting sleep, like we're like, we're actually missing out on essential body functions that only happen when we sleep.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so, yeah, um, so that's it. So so those, those trends that you mentioned, I think are really they're so important and primarily because we spoke about corporate really being a system that actually doesn't support our success.

Speaker 2:

And I think the same is true as it relates to things like, you know, having meetings scheduled back to back or you know, needing to have more frequent breaks, like, if we don't like raise our hands and ask for that and create the boundary around that. The system is actually not set up to support that like it's, the system is just going to keep like doing what it does, and so it's. It's important for us to, I think, recognize that and, when we choose to be a part of it, make the decisions by setting boundaries that allow us to take care of ourselves.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely, and that is one thing. I think. If we leave this conversation with anything, well, there's many points that we are leaving with, but the one thing I wanted to make sure that I said was one of the things that I always discover with the women that I work with is there is an underlying assumption. Maybe it's because of how we've been trained as leaders, or maybe you know the rules that we're supposed to follow within the environments in which we work, but there's an underlying assumption that, even though these women are, we are leaders in our own right. We lead the teams, we lead ourselves.

Speaker 1:

Some of us are already executives, but we still do not create the space and time. We still do not. We are actually in positions to make rules for ourselves, but we still don't do that right. We still, for whatever reason, don't feel empowered to do it and we kind of just go along to get along. And one of the things that I work with my clients on is recognizing the power that they already hold, executing it, leveraging it. Leveraging it for themselves and for their team members, essentially Because I think we it is just very easy to see what's around us and just keep moving right, keep following the unwritten and the written rules, whereas I'm always pushing my leaders to be rule breakers. Even if you break in the rule only in your mind, that's fine, that's fine, we can start there and then we'll turn to action. But we already have so much. We already have enough power to make a difference for ourselves. Let's start executing on that, so yeah.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God, I love that yeah yeah, yeah, break the rules, yeah, break them. Break them.15 or a little bit after 7.15. All right, so let me try to recap. I mean, honestly, I think what again? I love that it wasn't scripted, we're just having a conversation, but when we think about ambitious leaders and we specifically and the title of today was the ambitious leaders guide to power and wellness Right, so, as ambitious leaders who are listening to this, who we are all working in our respective environments, we are all leading both in the workplace and outside of the workplace.

Speaker 1:

Workplace, the thing that Nikkei and I want to leave you with is really thinking about what well-being means to you, like, really defining it. Nikkei defined it for herself and at the beginning of the conversation I was like, oh, I've never even thought about that. Right, thinking not just about wellness in terms of the physical aspect, but also mindset, community, you know, spiritual, emotional, being very particular about who you let into your environment, who you let touch you, who you let, you know, influence your thoughts. Right, that is a very holistic and very deep, in my opinion, definition of well-being. But what does well-being mean for you? What does wellness look like, feel like, smell like? What is that for you? So I think that that's one thing that we're saying Define wellness for yourself.

Speaker 1:

I feel like the second big point we made was boundaries right? So, nike, you shared about how you are seeing women set boundaries but not necessarily sustain their boundaries. Right, because we know, once you set a boundary at some point, somebody is going to push up against that. Even you sometimes might push up against that boundary point. Somebody is going to push up against that. Even you sometimes might push up against that boundary. But how do you ensure that you don't fall to the, let your boundaries fall to the wayside and wind up just back where you started? Essentially, what else? Any other points you want to recap for?

Speaker 2:

our listeners yeah, I mean I think those were the two big ones really is defining wellness for yourself and once you have defined that, you know, choosing what you're going to focus on and taking that step and setting those boundaries. But I think probably the last piece would be calling in support, and I think that's where you and I really have the honor and privilege to serve so many women leaders. And you you know you spoke to this before you know you called in support when you were experiencing, you know, the addiction of overwork and that was in the form of like, okay, I'm going to go back to school, Like, right, I'm going to understand this, I'm going to be around people who understand, like, what I'm experiencing and what I'm seeing, and I think you know that's what you and I get to do in such an amazing way for the women that we serve. Like we get to be that support.

Speaker 1:

Yep, absolutely Okay. All right, so this was fantastic. I am so. I'm glad that we actually did this, but I suggested it. Where can people find you? I think you said it at the beginning, but can you share again where people can follow you stay in touch Contact.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely so. The best way to connect and follow me is on Instagram. All my handles on all the media, social media platforms is the same. It's my full name, so Nikkei Olabisi Green. Put that in and I'll come right up. And if you are wanting to book a call with me, if you're wanting to connect with the events that I'm doing, whether it's virtual or in person, all of the information is on Instagram.

Speaker 1:

Cool, okay, if you want to get in contact with me, uh, you can contact me on LinkedIn. I am also at wwwthechangedoccom. On behalf of Nikkei and myself. Thank you so much for joining us. Uh, nikkei's going to go have her made-up beverage that she concocted on the fly In spirit.

Speaker 1:

At the beginning. I'm going to go finish drinking my hot tea, but we are both sending you guys, love, leadership and legacy as we sign off. All right, thank you so much. Bye, everybody. That's a wrap for this episode of Leading Her Way. Thanks for tuning in. If you have thoughts, questions or ideas for future topics, connect and send me a message on LinkedIn and if you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe. And please take a minute to write a quick review on Apple Podcasts. Your review will help spread the word to other ambitious females so they know they're not alone and that this podcast is a community of support for all of us. Leading her way to the top, remember your leadership is needed, your leadership is powerful, so lead boldly Until next time.