Leading Her Introvert Way: Conversations about executive leadership, career growth, business and mindset for mid-life Black women.

96: Stop Saying You 'Know Your Worth' - Instead Use This To Get The Salary You Want

• Nicole Bryan • Episode 96

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Forget everything you've been told about "knowing your worth" when negotiating your salary. This seemingly empowering phrase might actually be the very thing keeping you as a black introverted woman underpaid and undervalued in your career.

Here's what to say (and do) instead...



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Ready to ask for your next 5- or 6-figure salary raise and get it? Register here for our September 6th workshop "Her Executive Compensation Playbook" where we'll build your personalized strategy for calculating the value you add and negotiating the salary you deserve. 

Speaker 1:

Hi, Lady Leader, Welcome to this week's episode of Leading Her Introvert Way. I'm your host, Dr Nicole Bryan, and this podcast is for Black, introverted women who are ready to get promoted into senior leadership and executive roles, who are also ready to become the best leaders that they can possibly be, without sacrificing who they are or becoming addicted to work. How are you, lady leader? I hope that you are doing well. I am feeling very inspired, very hopeful, very joyful. I can't honestly put my finger on why I'm feeling all of those things, but I'm just radiating positivity. I've been radiating positivity for the past couple of weeks and you know it's been making me think about why more of us aren't doing the same. So I think it's really interesting how, particularly when we think about or talk about work-related, career-related items and issues and topics, for some reason everything is kind of tanked in a lot of negativity, right. I don't know if it's because of the larger system that we're all operating in or because of the many obstacles that we face on a day-to-day basis, the constant having to prove ourselves in just about every forum that we find ourselves in. It could be all of those things, but the truth is I have, for my entire career, I found myself in facing the same kind of challenges, but I'm usually, and have usually been able to still find the joy right, Still find the hope and, you know, in becoming, in being a leader, in working inside organizations, large and small, in working alongside smart, capable colleagues. But I feel like I'm not hearing that and seeing that and witnessing that as often as I would have hoped. These days. It could also be that the economy, the global economy, is in a very unique state, right, and the global economic outlook is not very positive A lot of layoffs, a lot of increased stress at work. So I get it. I totally get it. Work. So I get it. I totally get it. But my hope for you is that, despite all of the swirl that you may find yourself in, that you're also still able to connect with all the things that you love about the work that you're doing, all the things that you appreciate about the people that you're working alongside and all of the impact that you are able to make, right. I truly hope that you can connect with that and that you can, if you're disconnected from it, that you can reconnect with it, and that it will be enough to carry you through any tough times that you might find yourself in right now. Okay, With that said, let's get talking about today's topic. So, actually, before we move to today's topic my apologies, before we move to today's topic, two announcements. The first announcement is and I mentioned it if you listened to last week's episode, I mentioned it on last week as well which is that Leading Her Way, Leading Her Introverted Way podcast is coming up on episode 100. So in September, in just a few weeks, we will hit our major milestone of episode 100. So in September, in just a few weeks, we will hit our major milestone of episode 100.

Speaker 1:

And I just want to thank you, lady listener, whether this is the first time you're listening or close to the hundredth time that you're listening, I really want to thank you for your support. This journey, in terms of building this podcast into what it is today, has been a challenging one, but a very rewarding one, and all of your feedback, every time you listen, every time you engage with this content and this platform that I have tried to kind of co-create with you, gives me energy and, honestly, gives the group, the podcast, the platform. It allows us to reach more Black introverted women. So your support, your interest, your questions, your comments. All of that I am truly, truly appreciative Because, frankly, you could be listening to whoever else you could be listening, spending your time and your energy other places, but you have chosen to spend your time and energy with me and I don't take that lightly. So I just wanted to thank you for that and to encourage you to stay tuned for our 100th episode.

Speaker 1:

The second thing I wanted to announce is that we are hosting a workshop on September 6th and the workshop is called Her Executive Compensation Playbook how to Calculate what you Do and when you Negotiate Excuse me, when, when you Negotiate. So, with that said, I want to make sure that, one, you know about the workshop, that one, you know about the workshop. Two, you go into today's show notes and click the link and register for the workshop. This is the first week that we're opening doors for people to register and my intent actually is to keep it a small, intimate group, primarily because, one, we, as introverted women, we kind of thrive in small, introverted groups excuse me, small groups. But then the second reason I want to keep it small is that it truly will be a workshop where we will be going back and forth, so it's not going to be an environment where I'm just talking at you for 60, 90 minutes. We literally will be doing work where you are going to be putting together your own individualized strategy in terms of your salary goals and your negotiation plan. So, whether you're ready to negotiate right now, whether you're ready to negotiate as part of your year-end performance review, whether you're going to be ready to negotiate at the top of 2026, now is the time to start preparing for that, which is why I've timed this workshop when I have, which is in September right, Because the end of the year is going to come really fast and at the end of the year you're having your performance discussions, you're having promotion discussions, you're having goal-setting discussions for the following year and if you are ready to start negotiating and frankly I will say any time is the time, it's the right time to start negotiating your salary then you're going to want to be armed with the information that I'm going to be sharing and with building your own strategic plan for how you're going to build your career and negotiate your salary. So, if this is your time, then definitely go ahead and click the link and register. Okay, All right Now, with all of that out of the way.

Speaker 1:

Let's dig into today's episode topic. Today I am going to be challenging something that literally every career coach that I know, every LinkedIn influencer, every personal development guru has told you and, honestly, it might make you uncomfortable, but if you've been following this advice and still feeling stuck in your salary negotiations and how much you're able to earn from the work that you do on the job, there is a reason why. There is a reason why I'm talking about that phrase that we hear and constantly see everywhere Know your worth. And I'm here to tell you why. Not just why this advice is wrong, but also to share that it's actually keeping you small and sabotaging your negotiation power. So if you're ready to have your mindset shifted about how you think about yourself and your value in the workplace, then let's dive in. Let me start with this fundamental truth your worth as a human being is immeasurable. It's not up for debate. It's not determined by any company, any boss, any salary figure or any job title. You are worthy simply because you exist, lady leader period. But here's where we get it twisted. When we say, know your worth in a career context, we're unconsciously tying our human value to what someone else is willing to pay us, and that's dangerous territory, especially for Black, introverted women who already face biases and systemic barriers in the workplace.

Speaker 1:

I had a client let's call her Sarah who came to me feeling completely defeated. She'd been asking for a raise for almost two years and she kept saying I know my worth, but they don't see it. Every conversation with her boss went the same way. She'd talk about how hard she worked, how dedicated she was, how much she deserved the increase. Her boss would nod, agree that she was valuable, and then nothing happened. The problem was that Maya was negotiating from a place of personal worthiness instead of marketplace value. She was making it emotional instead of being strategic. The minute you make your salary about your worth as a person, you have already lost, Because now, when they say no to your salary request, you hear them saying no to you as a human being, and that's not what's happening.

Speaker 1:

This point is so important point is so important I do not want to rush over it because we have been conditioned to equate our personal value, our personhood, who we are as human beings, with what a company is willing to or not willing to pay us in terms of our salary, and that is completely misconstrued. It is wrong. It is a setup for failure, right? When I talk to so many of my clients, they will lead with I don't think my company values me and I'm like, okay, tell me why? Well, they're not willing to pay me X, Y and Z? First of all, we shouldn't be even relying on our companies to help us determine how we feel in terms of our value. Right, that's first and foremost. Second of all, if we know anything about how salaries are calculated, it's not. I can't just walk up. Okay, let's just look at it this way If I needed more money, or if I wanted more money, I couldn't walk up to Chase Manhattan Bank and be like, and go to the teller and be like, hey, I don't have an account here, but I am worth $100,000.

Speaker 1:

Give me $100,000. They're not going to give me $100,000. They're not going to give. Why would they? Now's play let's, let's keep playing this out, right?

Speaker 1:

I? You've heard me tell you, you've heard me share that I've worked for Citibank and I've worked for Citibank for years. Right, I still have. Citibank was the first official bank account that I had as an adult. I still have that bank account and I haven't worked for Citibank in over 25 years. So even as a loyal customer, a former employee, a leader, an executive leader in Citibank, I can't go up to a teller and say, hey, I've contributed to this organization, I have set up so many careers today, People who are still working here. I gave them their shot right and I made them into the leaders that they are today, and I've been banking with you for 30 plus years.

Speaker 1:

I think that value is a hundred. I think that that deserves a hundred K. Give me a hundred K. They're not going to give it to me, and why should they? The fact that there is and I do want you to think about this there's no entitlement. Just because you need more money or you want a higher salary, doesn't automatically mean that, one, you should get it and two, that other people your boss, your company, your colleagues are going to agree that that is what you deserve. It doesn't work like that and, frankly, it shouldn't work like that. There's no other place in the economy where that plays out. There's no customers going up into McDonald's and saying, hey, give me two burgers because I bought one last month.

Speaker 1:

Right, they're really important to recognize that you offer a value, but your personal worthiness, maybe what you've done in the past for the organization, what you feel like. You know if you need more money to make your bills right, to pay your bills, to make your ends meet. If your daughter needs to go to college and you need $20,000 more to be able to close the gap between what she's offered in financial aid versus what she actually needs, nobody owes you the amount to close that gap. Nobody owes you anything, and it definitely doesn't need to be aligned with your concept, your idea of your personal worthiness. Instead of personal worthiness, we need to shift how you think about this and how you approach it from personal worthiness to what the market value is, what you can command in terms of your skill set in the market. Okay, so here's what I want you to say instead, I want you to stop talking about personal worthiness. I want you to stop talking about what you are worth and instead I want you to start talking about you knowing the value that you add. The value that you add is concrete, it is measurable, it can be documented. It's what the market is willing to pay for the skills, the experience and the results that you bring to the table.

Speaker 1:

When Sarah shifted from they don't recognize my worth, to let me show them the value that I add. Everything changed for her. She started documenting her impact with specific metrics. She researched market rates for her role and her experience level. She built a business case based on the tangible value that she bought the company. Three months later she got a $35,000 increase which, by the way, two years of trying to get that went. She heard crickets, she heard nothing. That $35,000 increase, she didn't get it because they suddenly saw her worth, but because she made the business value. She showed the business value that she added and she made it impossible to ignore.

Speaker 1:

This is not about your feelings. This isn't about whether you're a good person who deserves nice things. This is about what you deliver and what the market pays for those deliverables. Your worth, lady leader, isn't negotiable, but your compensation is Now. This distinction is especially crucial for us as introverted women, because we're already fighting against stereotypes. Society expects leaders to be loud, self-promoting and charismatic. When we tie our salary to our personal worth, we end up trying to prove we're worthy of leadership instead of proving that we deliver results. But here's the thing your introversion is not a bug to be fixed. It's a feature to be leveraged. Let me say that again your introversion is not something that needs to be fixed, but it is a feature of who you are that needs to be leveraged.

Speaker 1:

While extroverts are talking about what they're going to do, you, lady leader, are quietly doing it. While they're networking at every happy hour and chit-chatting and going around to all the offices and talking to people, you are building deep strategic relationships. And while they're speaking up at every meeting, even when they don't have something of importance to add, You're listening, you're processing and you're coming up with solutions. That's not worth. That is value, and value has a price tag. When you understand this difference, you stop taking business decisions personally. When they restructure your department, it's not about your worth. When they hire someone external for a role that you wanted, it is not about your worth, and I get it. It feels personal, but it's not. It's not about your worth. It might be about budget constraints, it might be about organizational politics or, yes, sometimes it is about bias, but it's not about your value as a human being.

Speaker 1:

So how do you start thinking about the value you add instead of your worth? Three things First, start documenting everything. Now I've said this before on this podcast that you need to be keeping a running list of all the ways in which you contribute, Every project that you complete, every problem that you solve, every process that you improve. Your boss has a very bad memory. The people around you are likely going to forget Hell, you even forget all the things that you've done and you've contributed. But when you document it, when you put it in a spreadsheet, when you put it in your calendar, when you put it on a Word document, it's not going to forget. You won't forget.

Speaker 1:

I tell my clients to keep what I call a value-add journal. It's just a running list of your contributions, with specific metrics wherever possible. So it's not just enough to write down what you did or the value that you added, but you also need to attach it, whenever you can, to a business metric. If you are saving the organization money, write that down. If you are increasing the number of new hires, write that down. If you are increasing customer satisfaction, write that down. If you are increasing customer satisfaction, write that down. Right, Write down the specific metric and the impact that you are making.

Speaker 1:

Okay, second thing that you can be doing is researching the marketplace for the value of your skills. Now, what you think you deserve. That's not what we're talking about. We're not talking about what you think you deserve. We are talking about what the external market pays for someone with your experience and results. Now, the reason why this is important is because so many of us we are already inside our organizations and we've likely been there for one, two, three, four years, sometimes even more. And because we've been inside our organizations, we only know about what our companies might be willing to pay for the specific skills and or role that we are currently in, and sometimes we don't even know that right, Because we know what they're willing to pay us, but we may have a colleague in a similar role and we're not aware of what they are making. So when I say that you need to know what the market values of your skills is, I'm talking about what the external market is willing to pay for your experience, for your skill set.

Speaker 1:

Use sites like Glassdoor, PayScale or industry salary surveys, because you need the data. The data is what's going to serve as the baseline or the starting point for the conversation that you need to have. This isn't about your feelings. This isn't about a random I need another 10K. This is about what the market is willing to pay and how you can leverage that as part of your conversations with your boss, with your company and whomever else is in the decision-maker seat.

Speaker 1:

The third thing that you need to do is you need to separate your human value from your professional compensation. You can be an amazing human being, worth infinite love and respect, and still be underpaid. These are two different conversations. They're two different points. When you can make this separation, you negotiate from a place of power instead of emotion.

Speaker 1:

All right, lady leader, Now here's your homework for this week. I want you to stop using the phrase I know my worth. I want you to stop clicking likes when you see that posted on somebody's Instagram or LinkedIn or whomever page. Stop using the phrase know your worth. Stop associating with the phrase know your worth when it comes to your career. Start saying I know my value, I know the value that I add. Start documenting that value. Start researching what the market pays for that value. And if you want to take this deeper, then I am hosting a workshop on September 6th and it's called Her Executive Compensation Playbook how to Calculate what you Do and Win when you Negotiate. We're going to dive into exactly how to build your case, find the right decision makers and ask for your raise with confidence. The link is in the show notes. And remember your worth is not negotiable. Your compensation is and you deserve to be paid for the value that you add. Until next time, lady leader, keep leading your introvert way.