Leading Her Introvert Way: Conversations about executive leadership, career growth, business and mindset for mid-life Black women.

99: The $100K Salary Negotiation Mistake Black Introverted Professional Women Make

• Nicole Bryan • Episode 99

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Negotiating your salary isn't just about getting a higher number on your paycheck—it's about claiming the total value you contribute to your employer and securing your financial future. In this eye-opening episode, we dive deep into what I call "The $100,000 Mistake" that many Black women professionals make by delaying or avoiding salary negotiations.

The math will shock you.


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Speaker 1:

Hey, nanny Leader, and welcome to this week's episode of Leading Her Introvert Way. Listen, I am feeling really, really, really good and I honestly think it's the weather. The weather has now switched. At least where I'm at in the DC metro area, it has now switched to early fall weather, right. So it's really cool in the mornings, really cool in the evenings. In the daytime it's maybe like 75-ish Fahrenheit, and that is my weather.

Speaker 1:

I'm a fall girl, like my number one type of weather, and everybody thinks I am off my rocker when I say this, but I absolutely, absolutely love the rain, right, I like listening to the rain, I love the smell of the rain, I enjoy walking in the rain and that's just my thing, particularly when it's like cool outside and it's raining. I can walk miles in that type of weather, right. But and when I tell people that many people are like what, that's insane Like if I love the rain, yes, but I like to be on my couch and under my covers, not me. I enjoy being outside in the rain, but, second to that, my favorite type of weather is fall weather, when it's not blazing hot outside but it's not too cold such that you don't want to even leave your house Right. Maybe it's about school, the new school year, starting in the fall, but for some reason, when I think of rebirth or restarting over, it's actually the fall. It's like that September timeframe. So if you're listening to this real time, it's September 2025 and the weather has shifted and I have so much more energy. I'm just feeling really, really good.

Speaker 1:

All that to say, I am happy, as always, to be here with you and talking and, in fact, today is our episode 99. This episode is episode 99, which means we are one episode away from episode 100. And I am still in disbelief about that. Disbelief about that. Honestly, when I started this podcast, first of all, it took me a decade to start this podcast, and I'm not exaggerating. When I first thought about starting this podcast, it was back when I was working for T Rowe Price, so that's like four jobs ago at this point. World price, so that's like four jobs ago at this point. I will share all the details in the celebratory episode, so in episode 100, but it is my mind is blown that we are at that point because I this was just an idea. You know, I didn't even think this idea would ever come to fruition, and here we are approaching the milestone episode. So, with that said, we are going to be doing something a little special with the next episode, so stay tuned for that.

Speaker 1:

The other thing I wanted to say is I have an ask someone who has been listening to the Leading Her Introvert Way podcast all along, then I want you to do me a favor and, if you haven't already done so, leave a review. Share with me, share with the audience what you've gotten out of it, what you've learned, any actions you may have taken, because every time you share something and leave a review, that helps the algorithm push it out to even more introverted Black women who need the information or who wants the support, even if they don't already know they need and want it. And that's my goal. My goal is to make sure that we get this information out to as many people as possible. So if you're a long-time listener, please leave a review. If you're a new-time listener, this could be your first, your second, third time listening. If that's you and you also have gotten a nugget or two or even a major lesson from what you've heard so far, then please also leave a review. It is so important for us as a community to share with each other and to support each other. And one way that you can support other Black, introverted professional women is to see that this type of information gets in their hands. So I have appreciated all of the support that you have given me up until this point and given each other up until this point, and I just want us to keep going and keep moving it forward.

Speaker 1:

All right, and then the last announcement, before we jump into today's topic, is that the doors to my one-on-one coaching program are now open. It is, if you're new here, the name of my program is called the Elite Executive Experience and it is one-on-one private coaching around your goals to either get promoted into the next level of leadership, particularly senior leadership and executive leadership, to be able to negotiate your compensation package and earn an additional $50,000 to $100,000 per year, and or to just be a better leader. So many of us do not get any training. We take on new roles and responsibilities as leaders, and our companies, our schools, our work environments do not provide us with the support that we need and the skills that we need to take on even greater leadership roles. If that's you, if you fall into any of those three categories, then the Elite Executive Experience program is for you. So just go to the show notes, click the link, sign up for a conversation with me no obligations, and then we'll just have. We'll talk about what your compensation goals are, what your leadership goals are, and we'll determine whether or not it makes sense for us to work together.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so with all of that out of the way, let's now jump into today's topic. Actually, today's episode is the fifth in our money series and we're continuing the conversation. If you haven't, if this is the first time you're listening and you haven't listened to any of the other episodes, go back and check out from episode 95, which was the first time that we focused on the topic of money. Check out 95, 96, 97, 98. They're all focusing on a variety of different topics around being a Black, introverted woman who is a professional, and money the money we earn, the money we lose, the money we spend, and all of that good stuff.

Speaker 1:

Today, in particular, what I want to talk about is tackling the fear that so many of us have around negotiating what we should be earning based on our years of experience, our skills and our knowledge. What we usually talk about is how hard we work, how much we give of ourselves right, and that is 100% excuse me important, particularly because we, as Black introverted women, are always the ones who are self-sacrificing. But today I want to talk about the mistake that I see so many Black introverted women making in terms of not negotiating the salary that they should be earning, and not should be earning based on how hard you work, but should be earning based on the value that your skills and capabilities contribute to the value that your skills and capabilities contribute to the organization that you serve. I call it the $100,000 mistake, but, frankly, sometimes it's more than that and sometimes it's less than that. So here is a math problem that's going to make you absolutely sick to your stomach. A woman earning $120,000 who waits one more year to negotiate a $20,000 increase doesn't lose just $20,000. She loses about $847,000 over the lifetime of her career, and that's just the money that we can count. So I am talking today to the woman who's been telling herself maybe next year is going to be the year that I do something about the salary that I'm owning. You've been telling yourself this for the past three or four years. I'm also talking to the woman who thinks she's being smart by waiting for the perfect time to have a compensation discussion with her boss or with HR. I'm also talking to you. If you have data, you already know that you're being paid, and you're being paid under the market, yet you have turned a blind eye to it just because you don't want to deal with the confrontation. You don't want to rub anybody the wrong way.

Speaker 1:

Today, my friend, is the day we're going to do the math that you've been avoiding. So what we're going to do is we're going to break down three types of costs. We're going to break down three types of costs. We're going to break down the immediate cost, we're going to break down the compound cost and we're going to break down the cost that nobody talks about. Let's start with what you think you're losing, right, just this year's money.

Speaker 1:

If we stick with this scenario that I talked about in terms of making $120,000, that means that if you're supposed to be making another 20K, if you choose not to negotiate another 20K, that means that just in your base salary alone, you're losing 20K. Right, you are not making that additional $20,000 per year. However, if we think about it, it's not just base salary, because if you're making $120,000 right now, you likely have some type of bonus potential associated with what you can earn on an annual basis, and most annual bonuses are a percentage of your base salary. So if you're currently making $120,000, but you're leaving an additional $20,000 base salary on the table, that means that your bonus for the year you're going to lose money as well, because you are leaving $20,K on the table. And if your bonus is 20% of your base salary, that means you're leaving an additional $4,000 every year, or at least this year, on the table. So so far, adding that up, you're leaving $20,000 on the table, losing that money from the base salary, plus an additional $4,000 of what you would have gotten with your bonus. So that's $24,000 that you're out right. By the way, some people's total annual salary is $24,000. But you, my friend, are leaving K on the table on top of what you're currently earning, right. And then, obviously, if you are in your 401k plan, you have a 401k match you're probably leaving an additional 1k or 2k on the table. So, all together, for the year you are losing about $25,000 in compensation. Based on the scenario that we just said at the top, which is you're making $120,000 in salary plus you earn 20% in bonus every year.

Speaker 1:

Okay, but wait, there is more. According to PayScale, professionals who negotiate their first job offer earn an average of $5,000 more every year throughout their careers, which means women who negotiate once are eight times more likely to negotiate again. So what does that mean for you? It means that it's not just the $25,000 this year that you're losing. That $25,000 becomes your new baseline for every future negotiation, meaning that if you negotiate your $25,000, that additional $25,000 that you get now, what happens is your negotiations in the future bring you even more return.

Speaker 1:

Okay, okay, so we talked about we just went through the immediate cost, right? Your choice to not negotiate and that's what it is, that's a choice. Your choice to, even though you know you should be earning more money, even though you know the people, or you suspect the people around you are out earning you, despite you being more qualified, having more experience, even though you are choosing to leave money on the table, that choice is costing you, for sure, money this year in lost income, right? And in our scenario, it's about $25,000 that you're leaving on the table. That's just this year's cost. That's the immediate cost. I promised you we'd also talk about compound costs, right?

Speaker 1:

So with compound costs, that is where the math really starts to get ugly, because next year's raise is calculated from this year's salary, and then next, the second year's raise, two years from now, that's going to be calculated on next year's salary, and so forth and so on. Right, and we all know that at the job, at work, every year, whether it's a merit increase or a salary adjustment, it's all done as a percentage of your base salary. So, whatever you have now, that is setting the tone. That is the baseline for what you can have tomorrow and the next year, and the next year and the next year. And, by the way, even if you choose to leave your current job and you go to a new company, same thing. The same thing is happening, because most companies in the world calculate your salary as a percentage of increase. Even when you go to a new company, they have their span of what they're going to offer for the specific role that you are taking on, but they too will look at and compare to the salary that you're leaving on the table Sorry, leaving at your former job.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so the compound costs? All right, let's go back to our example. Remember, our current salary is $120,000, right, it could have been $140,000 if we had chosen to negotiate, then you get 3% annual increases on $120,000 per year salary, versus $140,000 if you had negotiated per year over the course of 20 years. That career difference hold on to your hats. That career difference is $487,000. So about 500K. Okay, that's the career difference that you have lost, that you have forfeited because you didn't necessarily negotiate right now this year at 120K.

Speaker 1:

Now there's also an impact to your retirement, which means that the fact that Black women retire with 60% less wealth than white women, every delayed negotiation that you take, every time you choose not to negotiate a higher salary for yourself, it widens that gap, not just for today but also for your retirement. Let me just go real quickly through the 401k impact. So when you have a lower salary, that also equals lower 401k contributions and lower 401 K matches by your job. So, over 25 years with compound interest, that 20 K that we chose to leave on the table this year, that results in an additional retirement loss of $360,000. So just to be clear, just to make sure we're on the same page, that 20K that you didn't ask for this year it's actually costing you $847,000 over the course of your career lost base salary income and lost retirement income.

Speaker 1:

Crazy, right, but no one teaches us to think about these things. No one points out and connects the dots between what we're earning today, or what we fail to negotiate today, versus the long-term impact. And that's the compound effect. Now we're still just talking about money, but the career cost is even worse, right? So here are some statistics for you to think about.

Speaker 1:

Only 3.2% of Fortune 500 CEOs are Black women, black women. 58% of executive roles are filled by internal promotions, which is fantastic. But if we, as Black women, do not put ourselves up for those promotions, if we don't raise our hands, insist that we should be considered for these promotions, then every other demographic is going to be seen, heard and valued over us. And one of the reasons why I am so passionate about making sure that we, our sisters, you, me, every other Black woman who's listening to this, the reason why I insist that we not only put ourselves up for promotions, not wait for our companies to tap us on the shoulder, but put ourselves up for the promotions inside the organizations, and the reasons why I insist that we negotiate for the dollars that we should be earning in the roles that we're playing inside these organizations is for this purpose because, yes, that's what I want for you, but not just so that you can build individual wealth, but that you can, over the course of your career, make the biggest damn impact that you possibly can and, while you're doing it, get your bag Like. That's what it's all about.

Speaker 1:

Yes, we want to make a difference in the world, but we don't got to be broke doing that. That's my whole point. Yes, we want to get a difference in the world, but we don't got to be broke doing that. That's my whole point. Yes, we want to get in positions of power so that we can change the landscape for everybody, including the generations that come after us, but that don't mean we got to. You know, scratch two nickels together, we can have our individual wealth and we can do some real good, real good in this world, even working inside the organizations that we are working in.

Speaker 1:

So we talked about the immediate costs, like what you would lose this year if you don't negotiate. We talked about the compound costs, what you would lose over the course of your entire career. And now I want to talk about the psychological costs, because you know I'm swinging from my psychological, my psychology bag, and it just wouldn't be a podcast episode if we don't talk about that. It just wouldn't be a podcast episode if we don't talk about that. So the confidence piece is really, really important, because the money is just the symptom.

Speaker 1:

But the real damage is what happens to your relationship with your own value when you choose not to negotiate for what you bring to the organization, when you choose to say, hey, I'm not going to even bother, they'll pay me what they think I'm worth. Or I don't want to rub anybody the wrong way. I don't want to, you know, rustle any feathers, or I don't want them to think that I'm not a team player, I don't want to seem greedy. Right? When you say these things and you put off negotiating what the equivalent of what you are contributing, then you are jeopardizing your own relationship with your own value, right? So year one, you'll say something like I'll ask next year, when I have more experience. And then, in year two, you'll say something like oh, I'll ask after I make a slam dunk out of this big project. And then, year three, you'll say something like maybe I'm not as valuable as I thought because they're not giving it to me. Why do I even have to ask for it? And then year five, you'll convince yourself that you should just be grateful for what you already have. You're not just losing money when you do this.

Speaker 1:

When you have these thoughts, when you succumb to these thoughts, you're training yourself to accept less. And if you're training yourself to accept less at work, I can't even imagine where else you might be training yourself to accept less. When this happens, when you fall into this trap. When you fall into this trap, you have lower expectations for future roles. You get into the pattern of accepting first offers instead of negotiating anything. You put yourself in a position where you're staying in underpaid positions longer and you're also modeling acceptance of less for everybody else. That's watching you your kids, your spouse, your family members, your direct reports, your peers and even yourself.

Speaker 1:

It comes to the value that you're contributing to the organization and getting the equivalent in return. You start believing that you don't deserve advocacy. You start believing that you need to accept what you are offered. So why does this matter? And why does this matter more right now, in our current market? If you're listening to this real time, we have over 300,000 black women who have been pushed out of the workforce just in the year 2025, right, and those of us who are still employed. We have leverage Companies are still under pressure to retain diverse talent.

Speaker 1:

Even when we are in this world right now, where DEI is under attack, the majority of our companies are still under pressure to retain diverse talent. They want to keep the talent, the diverse talent that they already have, and they're still recruiting for diversity. And then budget planning season is coming up right. We're ending, we're heading into fourth quarter right now, and this is when the big decisions get made about budget, about salaries, about bonuses.

Speaker 1:

So there is no perfect time to negotiate, there's only expensive time, and that's any time that you don't, anytime you choose not to negotiate.

Speaker 1:

That is expensive time. So stop calculating the cost of asking and start calculating the cost of not asking, because every day that you wait, every day that you make excuses as to why you can't or shouldn't or won't negotiate your salary is compound interest working against you instead of for you. All right, lady leader, let me just wrap this up by saying that time is the one resource you cannot negotiate for. You can't get more of that. You can't go back and reclaim the salary you didn't ask for five years ago, but you can stop the bleeding today. Your future self is depending on the decisions that your current self makes right now. Don't let her down. Sis, if you're tired of calculating what you've lost and you're ready to calculate what you can, then click the link in the bio and set up a conversation with me. We can strategize about your approach and we can also talk about whether the elite executive experience is a good fit. Until next time, lady leader, keep leading your introvert way.