104: What to Do (And What Not To Do) When The Boss Is Blocking Your Promotion

How to effectively deal with your boss when they may delibertely or unintentionally blocking your career. 

——-
LET’S CONNECT!

*Want guided help to put this into action? Join our Secure Your Sponsor 4-week challenge starting November 1—free this round. 

Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a sponsor, and leave the podcast a 5-star reviewtelling us which leader you’ll approach first.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Hi lady leader. And if you are new here, welcome to the Leading Her Introvert Way podcast. And if you are returning, if you're returning OG, welcome back. Okay, let's just jump right into it. Okay. You have been doing everything right at work. Everything. You've led that major project that saved the company tons of money. You've stayed late. You've come in early. You got all the certifications. You took on the extra work when they asked you to take on extra work. You've mentored junior team members both in your department and outside of your department. You have exceeded every single goal that they've set for you and that you set for yourself at the job. And when promotion time came around, nothing. Or worse, they promoted somebody else. Someone who started after you, someone who doesn't work nearly as hard as you, someone from your standpoint who doesn't even deserve it. And when you asked your boss about it, what did they say? You're not quite ready yet. Or we need you where you are right now. Or let's talk about it next cycle. Or you need to work on your executive presence. And you're sitting there and you're thinking, what more do I have to do? How much more do I have to prove myself? Particularly when it doesn't seem like anybody else has to prove themselves. So here's what I need to say to you. This might not be about you at all. Your boss might be blocking your promotion either intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes they might not even realize that that's what they're doing. But that is going on. So let's talk about some situations, some circumstances, some of your experiences that actually allowed you to be in this circumstance right now. The first is your belief that performance equals promotion. Whether you believe it right now or at some point in your career up to now, you've believed it. This is what they told you, right? Work hard, get results, and you'll move up. So that's what you did. You kept your head down and you executed, executed, executed. But what you weren't told, and what you likely didn't realize until now is that the more senior you become in organizations, performance is just the baseline. It's expected, and frankly, it's the starting point. It's not what gets you promoted. Promotions are decided on not what you've done in the past, not how you've executed in the past, right? Promotions are decided on what the organization and those in the organization believe you can do in the future. Promotions are decided in rooms that you are not in. They're conversations that happen around tables where your boss or your boss's boss or their boss may be sitting at. And it's decided by people who may not even know who you are and what you do and what you contribute to the organization. And if your boss is the only person talking about you in those rooms, in those conversations, then that's a problem. So you believing that performance equals promotion is one of the things that has gotten us to this place that we're at right now. Another, which I believe is a common mistake of many of us Black integrated women, is that you put all of your eggs in your boss's basket, meaning that you trusted your boss. You trusted that he or she would advocate for you. You thought, my boss knows my work, my boss sees my value, and my boss will make sure that I get what I deserve. After all, I've been giving and contributing at 150% for the past three years. And maybe your boss does see your value, but that doesn't mean that they're willing or able to promote you. You gave your boss complete control over your career trajectory in your company. And now that's one of the reasons why you're stuck. Another situation that you may find yourself in right now is that you didn't build relationships outside of your immediate team or department. Now, it could be because you're introverted and networking feels extremely exhausting and fake. So you focused on doing great work instead of building relationships, right? Because doing great work felt safer, felt more comfortable to you than actually putting yourself out there in any shape, form, or fashion to build relationships. And you figured that your work would speak for itself. But in any organization, if people don't know you, your work doesn't count as much. They may be benefiting from the output that you provide, but when they can't associate your name to those outcomes and results, then that makes it really difficult for anyone to be able to say, yes, that person, she is the one who deserves the credit, and she is the one who deserves the promotion and the salary raise and all the things that go with it. And right now, the only person who really knows your work, well, there's two people, is you and your boss. Now, I can imagine all of the feelings that may be bubbling up as I'm talking about this, as you hear me kind of outlining these situations, and you're likely resonating with one or more of them, right? You are likely feeling frustrated, right? You're frustrated because you did everything that you were told to do. You followed all the rules, you checked all the boxes, and it still wasn't enough. And you're not only wasn't enough, but you're watching other people move up while you stay in the same role. In addition to feeling frustrated, you're probably angry because it feels like the system is rigged against you. As a black introverted woman, you've been fighting your whole life for your education, for your job, for every opportunity that you have had. And now you find yourself once again fighting for a promotion that you've already earned. It feels like the system is taking everything from you and giving you nothing in return. Your brain is likely also making you think about doubt. Part of you is wondering, is it me? Or am I actually not ready? Is this discrimination? Am I being discriminated against? Or is there something I'm genuinely missing? Some type of skill, some type of capability, some type of valid reason why I'm not getting the promotion that I want. You're questioning yourself when you really shouldn't have to. And let's not forget about the shame. This is a big one that we don't talk about enough, right? You have friends and family who have likely been laid off or displaced in the last year or so, the 400,000 plus black women who exited the workforce in 2024 and 2025. And here you are still employed, not just still employed, but wanting more for yourself, wanting to move up in your organization, wanting more compensation, wanting more responsibilities and accountabilities and visibility and wanting even the promotion. Part of you feels like, I should just be grateful that I have a job, particularly when so many other people around me don't. Am I being greedy? Is what you're likely asking yourself. Your entrepreneur friends, they don't even understand why you're still trying to climb the corporate ladder, right? They're questioning your sanity. Like, why are you still there, girl? So you're dealing with all this shame on top of everything else. And you may be asking yourself, well, why would my boss be blocking me? Like, why what's in it for them to block me? Well, the first is your boss is human, and humans are wired to protect themselves first. If you're their superstar performer, you're the one who constantly delivers for them, you're the one who makes them look good, you're the one who works to your fingers to the bone, right? Their results depend on your performance. So if they promoted you, that means that they would lose you, which means that their job gets harder. If they promoted you, that means that you get more authority, right? And their job gets harder. Their brain is literally fighting against promoting you, even if they consciously want what is best for you. Another reason that your boss might be blocking you is that there's a conflict of interest. When raises and promotion discussions happen, your boss is sitting at a table with other leaders, and their success is measured by their team's performance. If your boss pushes too hard for you to get promoted, they create a gap on their team. Meaning that if you get promoted out, there is a gap on their team. There's an open position or there is a gap in the skill set that remains. So even if they like you and they want you to succeed, they have competing interests. And the third reason why your boss might be blocking you, even if they don't mean to, is even if your boss is advocating for you, other leaders may be discounting it because you're reporting directly into your boss. And so your boss, if they're the only person who kind of sees what you're doing and is able to advocate on your behalf, other people are going to be like, Yeah, of course you're advocating for her. She reports to you. Of course, you think she's great. She's your direct, right? You're biased. One voice, even a strong voice, isn't enough at senior levels. You need multiple advocates to be able to sing the same song or sing the same tune for it to be validated. So here's the reality: you could have the best boss in the world who genuinely, genuinely wants you to advance. But if they are the only person speaking up for you, it's not enough. And if they have any hesitation, even unconscious hesitation about losing you, they're not gonna let you go. In the worst case scenario, you have a boss who is deliberately blocking you, who is 110% aware that if they let you go, that's going to be a hardship for them. And so they block your opportunities. They don't allow you to post for other roles inside the organization. Or if they allow you to post for roles inside the organization, they may be trying to talk to the hiring manager or HR about how problematic it's going to be for you to leave. And they may even say, I need her for at least another six to 12 months before I can release her. And who in the from the hiring manager standpoint is going to wait another six to 12 months to fill the open position? They need help right now. So your boss could be deliberately keeping you in your position because it ultimately benefits them. Okay, so how do you get unstuck if your boss is blocking you? Well, let me tell you about when I was in this situation. Um, so get ready for a little bit of story time here. I was working at a nonprofit organization. It was actually my first nonprofit role. And I was so excited about this job because I had worked so hard to break into the nonprofit sector. I moved from for-profit to nonprofit. It actually took me over a year to land this job because nonprofit, those organizations want people who have worked in nonprofit before, for the most part. And I had not. Well, I got hired finally, and I was the manager of human resources. And I reported to the head of HR. I really liked her. She was smart, and I thought she was supportive. But I also had a dotted line to the head of one of the incubated organizations within the foundation. I was sitting on his leadership team, advising him directly. And here's what started to happen. My head of HR would undermine my decisions. I'd make a recommendation to the business leader, and she'd come behind me and undo it. She'd disagree with my approach and she would override me. This went on for at least 18 months. And I was feeling like I can't be effective if my own boss is working against me. So I did what I thought I was supposed to do. I talked to her about it directly over and over and over again. I did it professionally and, like I said, multiple times over a year's period. Nothing changed. Well, that's not true. Things would start to change a little bit, and then it would revert right back to the undermining. Then I would have another conversation, and things would start to change for a couple of weeks, and then it would revert back to the undermining. I was ready to quit. I was completely done. But something told me to try one more thing. And I thought it was a little bit of a risk, but luckily I already had a good solid relationship with the head of the incubated organization. So I went to him, right? He was my internal client who was actually my boss's peer in the org structure. And I was honest with him. I laid out the problem, I asked for his advice. He became my thought partner in all of this. Like he didn't badmouth my boss. He didn't try to get her in trouble, but he did start advocating for me. He advocated for me to her. He advocated for me to the head of the foundation. He gave me his insight into how to handle certain situations, and he counseled me on how to navigate the organization, how to handle my boss, how to deal with the circumstances. And then things started to shift. My decisions that I was making around HR for the incubated organization, they started to stick. The communication between my boss and myself started to improve. And my head of HR, she stopped unraveling my work. I did not have to fight my boss anymore because I had someone else who was willing and able to fight for me. And let me tell you, as an introvert, that was a dream. So what does this mean? This means that I will always, always advocate and counsel my clients on the importance of building a sponsor roster outside of your reporting line. Now, a sponsor roster is two to four people at senior levels who advocate for you. When I say two to four people, at least two of those individuals need to be outside of your direct reporting line, meaning they can't be your boss, can't be your boss's boss, or anywhere in that reporting line. Those two to three people need to be at your boss's level or higher because they will have equitable or more influence, respect, and gravitas within the organization. Now, this works because when multiple voices say your name in rooms that you are not in, it creates a pattern. It starts to infiltrate people's brains. They remember who you are. Three to four people saying, Yeah, she's ready for vice president. That is exponentially more powerful than just having one person say it and that person being your boss. Sponsors outside of your reporting line, they don't have a conflict of interest that your boss does, right? Your boss has a conflict of interest because everything that you do means something to your boss. All of your work falls under your boss's purview. So there's a conflict of interest there, there is a bias there. There would be a dual relationship if you were his direct report and he was your sponsor. That's a dual relationship. That's two simultaneous relationships between the same people that have a different purpose. That's a dual relationship. You don't want that. Your other advocates besides your boss, they can push for you without it costing them anything. And they can give you insight into the dynamics of the organization. They can provide you with information, they can provide you with context that your boss can't or won't share. All right, so I can hear your wheels turning, right? You are likely thinking, but isn't that going around my boss? Like, won't they be mad? Hear me clearly. I am not telling you or suggesting to you to go around your boss to escalate problems, right? I am not saying to go to your boss's boss and complain. What I am saying is that building strategic relationships that you can trust and that you can rely on, doing that across the organization will benefit you tremendously. Your boss can still be a sponsor, but they shouldn't be your only sponsor. And frankly, if your boss has a problem with you building relationships with other leaders, that in and of itself is a big red flag that you definitely, definitely need other sponsors. You're likely also saying to yourself, I don't have time to build all these relationships. I'm already exhausted. I know, I know. I hear you. You are already working so hard. But here's the truth: staying stuck in your current role because you don't have sponsors is costing you more than just being a little tired. It's costing you money, it's costing you time, and it's costing you energy. Building two or three or four sponsor relationships over six months is less exhausting than staying stuck in your current role for years. And remember, you're an introvert. You don't need 50 different relationships. You just need two or three or four deep ones that are going to work on your behalf today, tomorrow, and in the future. One of the things that I often hear from my overachieving clients is, you know, when they first hear about this concept and they're first like resistant to it is I'm proud that I got here on my own. Like I worked to get to this director level, ABP level, VP level. And I'm proud that I got here on my own. Asking for help feels like weakness. If you are listening to me right now and you feel similarly, let me just say, I get it. We are used to fighting for everything alone. As black women, we've had to prove ourselves at every turn, at home, at work, in church, everywhere. And frankly, independence is part of the armor that we wear day in and day out. It's how we've survived. But at this level of the organization, at this stage in your career, that independence is exactly what's keeping you where you are. The most successful leaders in the world, regardless of race or gender or religion or any of those demographics, they have sponsors. So this isn't about weakness. Getting a sponsor or two, or it's not about being weak. It is about finally, finally becoming strategic about your career growth. You can't lead a team alone, and you can't advance your career alone either. The other common thing that I hear is what if I ask someone to be my sponsor and they say no. I'm gonna be so, so embarrassed. Okay, so let's call a spade a spade here, okay? Because that right there, that's fear. That is fear of rejection. We experience it when we date, right? We experience it in many other areas of our lives. And right now, that what you're describing and what you're thinking about, that's fear of rejection. But here's what I need you to know. Most executives actually want to sponsor high potential people. If someone says no, it's usually about their capacity. It's not about you personally. It's not about who you are at your core, right? And even if they do say no, you just move on to the next individual, to the next person that can and wants to be your sponsor. One no is not the end of the world, but staying stuck for years can be the end of your career. Okay, so here's what I want you to do this week. The first thing I want you to do is I want you to ask yourself honestly is my boss the only person who really knows my work and can advocate for me? If the answer is yes, then you most definitely know you have to do something different. That is too big a risk for your boss to be the only one besides you who actually knows what you do, why you do it, and the contribution to the organization at large. That's the first question I want you to ask yourself. The second thing I want you to do is I want you to start making a list. Make a list of leaders outside of your reporting line who you respect and who respect your work. And if it is true that there are many people in the organization who don't understand or who don't know what you do, then just focus on three, just focus on leaders who. And if it is true that many people in your organization don't really know what you do, then just focus on making a list of leaders outside of your reporting line who you respect and who you would want to be in your corner. That's it. That's all you have to do. Because what I want you to, what I'm I'm giving you these instructions and these steps is because I want you to start really thinking critically. I want you to think about whether or not your boss is the only person who knows your work. And then I want you to start considering who in your organization could be potential sponsors. I'm not asking you to take any actions here, right? I'm not asking you to take any steps. I just want you to start opening up your mind to the possibilities. Now, if you want to go further with this, if you recognize how important having sponsors who are ready, willing, and able to advocate for you are at this point in your career, then I want to invite you to my challenge, my four-week challenge that is coming up on starting November 1st. It's called the Secure Your Sponsor Challenge. And we're gonna be doing exactly what we talked about here today. We're going to create a list of criteria that you want and need for potential sponsors. We're gonna identify about five, six different potential sponsors for you, both inside your current organization, maybe one or two outside of your current organization. We're going to map out how you're going to approach each one of these sponsors and what you're going to say exactly to them to invite them to be your sponsor. And then we're going to talk about how you nurture that relationship, short-term and long term, to be able to be positioned for them to help you move your career forward. That's it. That's the four weeks. It's free, but it is powerful. If you're interested, then definitely go to the show notes in this episode, click the link, and reserve your spot. Once again, we start on November 1st. Okay. In the meantime, and until next week, keep leading her introvert away.