Leading Her Introvert Way: Conversations about executive leadership, career growth, business and mindset for mid-life Black women.

113: The 5 Stages Black Introverted Women Move Through on the Way to Executive Leadership (And Where You've Stalled)

• Nicole Bryan • Episode 113

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There's a predictable journey Black introverted women take on the path to executive leadership - and most get stuck at the same stage for years without realizing it. In this episode, Dr. Nicole reveals the 5 stages of the journey to executive leadership, helps you identify exactly where you are right now, and explains why you might be stuck there. If you've been at the same level way longer than you expected to be despite great performance, this episode will show you why and what needs to change.


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SPEAKER_00:

Hi lady leader. So I sincerely hope that your December is going very, very well. I am still a little overwhelmed that it is actually December and that this year is only a couple of weeks from being over. But I hope that you have some wonderful plans for yourself and your family and your friends to rest, recover, enjoy the holiday season, regardless of whether you subscribe to any particular holiday. Myself, I am actually taking my 84-year-old mom back home, and home is Barbados, West Indies. She is at a point where she's not able to fly on her own anymore, so I am going to physically take her home. And she'll stay there for about a month with my older brother. But I'm looking forward to just being back home with her. I'll stay with her for about a week or so, even though she is 84 and her mind is starting to fail her. Her body is still fairly strong, so she likes to be on the move. Needless to say, my mother is not an introvert in any shape, form, or fashion. We are the complete opposites in that regard. So I like to, you know, stay still, read, enjoy the scenery. My mother is someone who loves to socialize and likes to be out and about. She needs to have a plan for every minute of the day. So it's going to be an interesting week. But either way, I'm looking forward to the time with her. And I hope that you have something that you are also looking forward to for the holiday season. So next week, when you hear from me, I will be talking to you from the island of Barbados, West Indies. So let's get started for today. So there is a predictable path that black introverted women follow on the way to executive leadership. And most of us get stuck at the same stages for years without even realizing it. In this episode, I'm going to introduce you to five stages of the executive leadership journey. I'm going to help you identify where you are right now, why you might be stuck there, and what it takes to move forward. Now, this isn't about working harder, it's about understanding where you are and what you need to focus on next. If you've been stuck at the same level or in the same role despite great performance, then today's episode is for you and it's going to help you see why. If you're new here, let me introduce you myself. My name is Dr. Nicole. I help ambitious Black introverted women leaders solve three critical problems. The first is getting promoted to executive leadership in six months or less, even if you've been stuck at your current role for years. The second is closing the director to executive skill gap so you can lead with confidence, executive presence, and strategic thinking at that next level. And the third is successfully leading your team or department or your division from establishing credibility to building high-performing teams that deliver results. Okay. You've been working toward executive leadership, but you might not realize that an actual journey with predictable stages exists. Most black women, most black introverted women, get stuck at the same stages for years without realizing it. So today I'm pulling back that curtain and I'm exposing you to the five stages. This is not the full teaching. This is not the full teaching on this journey model. That's coming on January 14th. But it is enough to help you see where you are and why you've been stuck. And by the end of today's episode, you'll know exactly which stage you're in. So let me pause for a second and just say that the model that I'm talking about, which I'm actually going to introduce fully on January 14th. So if you are interested in learning more about this model after you hear today's episode, then make sure that you sign up for the January 14th webinar and workshop that I'm going to be putting on. But I came to this model, it's a model that I've developed after decades of working with Black introverted women and being able to see after time similar patterns. Some patterns that even those who are going through it didn't realize. And whether it's my corporate experience, whether it's my experience myself as a Black introverted woman, or whether it's my psychology background, I felt compelled to kind of document this because one of the things that has become evident to me in working with so many of you over the years is that it's always easy for us to see other people and see what the strengths are and what the development areas are for other people. And it's harder to be able to see that for ourselves. The other thing that I've realized, and I've said it here on the podcast before, is we spend so much time working in our jobs, working in our careers, that we don't spend enough time working on our careers. And the difference is about working in your job and in your career, that's doing your day-to-day responsibilities, what's on your job descriptions, what's expected from you and for you by the organization. When you're working on your career, that is all about thinking about working on deliberately and intentionally taking steps toward growing your career and your capabilities. So many of us work in our jobs and in our careers and not on our careers. And so one of the reasons why I put together this framework is because I wanted to map out what that difference looks like. So by the end of today's episode, we're going to walk through these stages and you will pretty much know which stage that you're in. And why that's important is because when you know what stage you're in, that helps you determine what steps you need to take in order to keep growing your career to the next stage. Okay, what I'll say about this model is that the stages that I'm going to describe to you, they are not about years of experience and they're not about job titles. They're about where you are in your visibility, in your positioning, in your power, right? So again, it's focused on working on your career, not in your career. So you can be a director and stuck in stage one, or you can be a manager already in stage three. So this is about positioning, your positioning, not your performance. Okay? So I just want to lay that groundwork first. All right, so there are five stages to the model that I'm going to be sharing. Stage one, I call the invisible contributor. Now, here's what it looks like: you are an invisible contributor. If you are excellent at your work that and you're very consistent about exceeding expectations, your boss probably loves you, and other senior leaders likely love you as well. But executives actually don't know who you are. You're not in strategic conversations, you're known for executing, not for having a vision. And you're an invisible contributor when you start feeling things like you're doing great work, but nobody sees it. You start questioning why you're not being considered for bigger opportunities. And you are likely feeling invisible despite your very high, high performance. That is stage one, invisible contributor. Stage two, I call the awakening. Now, this looks like you realizing that working harder isn't the answer to growing your career. You start to see the politics, the positioning, the unwritten rules in your organization and in your industry. You notice who is getting promoted and the fact that it's not always the best performer. And you recognize you're playing the wrong game. You're extremely frustrated, maybe even a little angry or disillusioned about work and your career. Now, what happens here is you start feeling like, wait a minute, this isn't about merit. Or I've been doing this all wrong. You might also be thinking, there's a whole game here that I didn't know I was supposed to be playing. Now, the danger zone in stage two, which is the awakening, is that many of us as black introverted women, we quit here. We literally leave our current role for another company. And when we do that, we start again at stage one. Or you give up on your executive aspirations entirely. You might actually start brainwashing yourself into believing that you don't want that anymore. You give up on your career aspirations entirely, or you become bitter and disengaged. If this is you, if this describes you, then you are in stage two, which is the awakening. Stage three, I've labeled the strategic builder. Now, this looks like you start to intentionally build your leadership brand. You create visibility with decision makers, you start developing strategic relationships, so not just networking all over the place. You're literally being intentional about who you want to build a relationship with and why. And those are fewer in number, not larger in number. You start positioning yourself before opportunities exist. So you don't wait until a role opens or a job is posted. Instead, you're already thinking about where you want to take your career next, and you are putting yourself in positions or you are putting yourself in places where you can connect more quickly to those opportunities. You're being more selective about what you say yes to. So instead of being the person that everybody taps on the shoulder to take on this new project or take on additional work, you have become more confident in yourself to be like, you know what? That sounds like it's important, but I don't have the capacity to do it. You are literally saying no strategically to the things that will not help you get to where you need to go. And you're saying yes to those that will. So the feelings you may be experiencing are that you are very, very excited, right? But it's excitement mixed with, oh shit, now I actually have to do this. You might experience some imposter syndrome. So imposter phenomenon can spike here. And you're definitely feeling pressure, pressure to prove that you actually belong. Now that you've landed the role, the executive role, now you're feeling the pressure to constantly prove that you deserve it and that you belong in that executive seat. Some of the challenges that you're facing is that you are leading at a bigger scale. So back in the day when you used to be, when you had a smaller team and you used to be able to roll up your own sleeves and dig in, you can't do that now because you are leading at a bigger scale. You may also be managing some of your former peers. If you were promoted internally, you're likely managing people who used to be working side by side with you. You're also now navigating executive politics, which makes the old politics that you were exposed to look like child's play. And you're also closing the skill gap quickly. Now that you've made the transition from manager or senior manager or director to VP, senior VP, executive VP, you are needing to close that gap, the skill gaps in leadership very, very quickly. And then finally, one of the challenges that you're facing is that you are trying to establish credibility with your new team, with your new colleagues in your new role. Let me say here that this is where many of my clients come to me. So I have two places where I get a lot of clients. One is when clients are either in stage two or stage three, where they know what they want for themselves in the executive role, but they can't get there for whatever reason. Sometimes it's because of things that are internal to them. Sometimes it's about the organizational dynamics. Sometimes there's a mismatch or misalignment in terms of expectations, what my client expects and what the organization expects. That's one area where I get a lot of clients. And then the second area where a lot of clients seek me out is where they land the actual executive role. So they've gotten the promotion, but now they've got to figure out how to lead at this new level. Okay, so that's stage four. Stage five is revolutionary leader. So now what this looks like is you've already established yourself as an executive. You're not just surviving, you are actually thriving at that level. You're changing the culture in your organization, help, in your industry, not just adapting to it. And you now are sponsoring other black women. Instead of you seeking a sponsor, you are the sponsor for other black women who are coming up as well. You're creating the path that you wished existed when you were developing and moving into your role. And you're now leading your way, not imitating others, not being dictated to by the organization. You now have become the most senior level leader inside the organization. And so you are either creating or co-creating the culture and how leadership happens in your organization. So the feelings that you're experiencing are you're feeling mad confident, you're feeling extremely powerful, and you are seeing the impact that you are making every single day. You're also thinking things like, I belong here and I am making a difference. And you're thinking, I'm building the future. The future that I wanted to see, I am now building it for others. You're also really, really proud at this stage, as in the revolutionary leader stage, because of the impact that you're making. So you're creating opportunities for other people, you're changing what leadership looks like and making it your own. You're building generational wealth for yourself, for your family, and you're helping other leaders build generational wealth for themselves. And you're designing executive life on your own terms. So those are the five stages. Now, if you're trying to think about, hmm, which one of those stages am I in? Let's talk about how you can pinpoint which stage that you're in. You are in stage one if executives don't know your name. You're in stage one if executives don't know your name. You're not in strategic meetings. You're executing well, but not visible beyond your immediate team. When you speak in meetings, people seem surprised by your insights. You're waiting to be tapped for opportunities. Your LinkedIn profile is bare bones. You're known for getting things done, but not necessarily for strategic thinking. You're in stage two. If you recently got passed over for promotion despite being a great performer, you're feeling frustrated and questioning whether hard work actually is going to pay off. You're starting to notice the politics in your organization, and you're also noticing the positioning. You're aware that there's a bigger game happening here, but you don't know how to play it yet. You're considering leaving your company. You're thinking about that on a regular basis, and you oscillate between anger and hopelessness. You also find yourself reading articles, listening to podcasts, visiting social media, and trying to figure out what's wrong. You're in stage three if you are intentionally building relationships with executives. You're selective about what projects you take on or don't take on. You're also thinking about your brand and how you're perceived. You're speaking up more strategically in meetings and conversations. You're having explicit career conversations, not just with your boss, but with your boss's boss, with sponsors. You're also building your visibility outside of your department. You can see the path forward, but you're just working on it. You're in stage four. If you recently got promoted to executive level, if you're figuring out how to lead at this new level, if you're managing a bigger team or taking on new responsibilities, if you're navigating executive dynamics for the very first time, and if you are working on your skill gaps, things like executive presence, strategic communication, strategic thinking, all of those. And you are establishing yourself with your new team, your new colleagues, your new peers. That's stage four. And then finally, you're in stage five if you are an established executive, meaning that you have been in an executive role for several years, andor you have been an executive in multiple organizations. You're in stage five if you're confident in your leadership. You're in stage five if you are not only being sponsored, but you yourself are serving as a sponsor for other women. Stage five, you are making strategic decisions that impact the entire organization, not just your team or department or division, but the entire organization. And you've designed executive life for yourself on your own terms rather than having that dictated to you. And you are focused on impact and leaving a legacy. Okay, lady leader, we have gone through all five stages, right? We've described the five stages, and we've described how you can tell which stage you are in. Where do you think you're landing? And I want you to be honest with yourself. Which stage are you in? Most talented black introverted women spend three to seven years stuck at stage one or stage two. And the reason why stage one is so sticky, and remember, stage one is the invisible contributor. And the reason why stage one is so sticky is because you're rewarded for staying there. You get a lot of praise, you get great reviews, people offer you more work. You don't know that stage one is a stage when you're in it. You think this is just how it is. So the move from stage one to stage two requires a kind of an awakening. Something has to shake you out of it, and usually it's getting passed over for promotion that works you up, or I should say, wakes you up. Now why stage two is so dangerous is that this is where most people quit because the disillusionment is real. You literally feel betrayed by the system. You literally feel like the man is deliberately trying to keep you down and prevent you from being great. So you either leave your current role or current company and go somewhere else and start over. And when you start over, you are starting over at stage one, somewhere else. Or if you don't leave and you decide to stay, then you completely disengage. Like that's the way you protect yourself. You remove or stop being as emotionally invested. You're giving up while still going through the motions of performing your role. That's what stage two looks like, and that's why it's so dangerous. The key, though, to moving through stage two is to not stay stuck in the anger, but that's really hard. Okay, so that is the model, and I'm looking forward to doing a deeper dive on it with you. So I'm not going to teach you the full strategy today. That's what the January 14th webinar is for. But here's what I will tell you: moving from stage one to stage three requires unique skills. It requires strategic visibility. It requires cultivating executive relationships. It requires demonstrating executive level thinking and positioning yourself before opportunities exist and get presented to you, right? It also includes making your aspirations known, not just sitting quietly and waiting for someone to tap you on the shoulder. So if you're sitting there and you're thinking, I know exactly what stage I'm in, and I'm ready to move forward. Or you're thinking, you know what, I think I know what stage I'm in, but I'm not quite sure, then I want to invite you to join me on January 14th. I am doing a live training where I break down the full roadmap, and the training is going to be called From Invisible to Incredible: How Black Introverted Women Get Promoted to Executive Leadership in Five Months or Less. In that training, I am going to be teaching the complete pivot formula, which is my proprietary promotion formula. I'm going to be teaching the aura model for introverts, and the oral model is my leadership brand building model. I'm going to be showing you how to move from whichever stage you're in now to the next one. I'm going to be offering specific strategies for stage one, stage two, and stage three. I'm also going to be showing you how to position yourself even if your boss isn't supporting you. And I'm going to show you how to build visibility without burning out. This workshop, this training is for you if you feel like you're stuck at stage one and you're tired of being invisible. If you believe you're in stage two and you're ready to get strategic instead of being bitter, if you think you're in stage three and you want to accelerate your timeline. Or if you just got promoted and need support leading at the next level, you will walk away from our January 14th session with a clear roadmap for your next move. Registration for January 14th workshop opens next week. So just for now, mark your calendar. It's going to be at January 14th at 7 p.m. I'm going to share the registration link in next week's episode. So make sure you come back and check it out. Now that you know the five stages of the roadmap of how black introverted women get into executive leadership. Now that you know where you are and you know that being stuck isn't permanent, it's just a stage that you're in at the moment. The question I have for you is: are you gonna stay in that stage for another three years or are you ready to move forward? In next week's episode, we're gonna be talking about why you might not even want to be an executive and why you might be wrong about that. It's a perfect timing for Christmas reflection. Until then, my name is Dr. Nicole, and I'm reminding you that the future of leadership is introverted, it's black, and it's female. And until next time, lady leader, keep leading your introvert way.